jacob andreas [.net]

Junk Mail Poetry

March 24, 2007

Have you ever read the filler text in spam – that little paragraph word salad that comes before the ad for C i.41s and /! a9ra?

I started reading some of my spam today (don’t ask me why) and discovered that sandwiched among the stock quotes and drug pitches are some surprisingly deep little snippets. The inevitable product of software designed to escape Bayesian filters – or a cry for help from the soulless spam distributors?

All in the body of a single email:

Silence
White out
Black out
Lights out
I was able to watch a flow of color reflecting my hand

writing, I am eager
to tap the dynamics of
the realm of suppose

I question
avantages of convenience
The longer I m here
the more time I spend

I’m going to keep my eye open from now on.

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Conclusive Proof that Windows Live Search is Better than Google

March 23, 2007

A Google search for “Jacob Andreas” (sans quotes) returns:

Jacob Andreas Augustinus Aroe on artnet

Jacob Andreas Augustinus Aroe (Danish, 1803-1870) – Find works of art, auction results & sale prices of artist Jacob Andreas Augustinus Aroe at galleries …

www.artnet.com/artist/603856/jacob-andreas-augustinus-aroe.html

While a Live search for the same terms returns:

Jacob Andreas

Jacob Andreas. blog; projects; contact
pws.prserv.net/andreas/jacob · Cached page

Jacob Andreas – Projects
I’ll be uploading a complete list of my projects soon. In the meantime, find me at: litestep.net (I’m jqubit) GNOME look; deviantArt

pws.prserv.net/andreas/jacob/projects.html · Cached page
+Show more results from pws.prserv.net

Google evidently thinks some Danish painter is more relevant than I am, but Microsoft knows that I am the most important Jacob Andreas on the Internet.

It’s really quite simple.

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This is Your Brain on Degler

March 15, 2007

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Holy shit I’m an employee of the US government

March 14, 2007

Like, I had to sign an oath of allegiance swearing to uphold the
constitution and everything (they still don’t know I’m a Canadian
citizen).

And a badge. I get a badge.

All this just so that I can get paid minimum wage to contribute code to an outreach project. This is kind of intense.

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What I learned in history today

March 9, 2007

Pearl Harbor was a massive conspiracy – the United States was complicit in the Japanese attack.

Japanese people are harder-working and generally superior to Americans.

Enrico Fermi invented the radio.

On the other hand, this guy is able to put together a reasonably coherent outline that doesn’t look like one of Terhar’s:

I.
A.
b)
“quote”
ii.
D.
6

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C++ is Ugly

March 4, 2007

The LBL people have given me a weekend to learn C++. With the understanding that it was much like Java, I went in planning to learn a little new syntax and be done. If only I knew what I was getting myself into….

I should preface this by saying that if I had my way, every programming language would look exactly like Lisp. Failing that, I’ll settle for syntax that’s not to wordy and most importantly matches the underlying paradigm. This, I think, is the fundamental problem with C++: it tries to brutally force OOP on a language that was never meant to deal with objects.

Just to be clear, I’m not complaining about functionality – obviously it does everything it’s supposed to very well, or we wouldn’t still be using it. I just can’t get over what a massive kludge the language is – it’s just so ugly to read. Like, really really ugly. Like C got pitched out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Some specific examples: (all of these are taken from http://www.cplusplus.com/doc/tutorial/)

class CRectangle {
int width, height;
public:
CRectangle (int,int);
int area () {return (width*height);}
};
CRectangle::CRectangle (int a, int b) {
width = a;
height = b;
}

The Java programmer in me protests loudly against the public modifier; it doesn’t look anything like the rest of the language and imposes an arbitrary grouping on the way functions are organized in the class body.

Even worse, in my mind, is the scope modifier (::). It is not initially obvious that CRectangle::CRectangle (int, int) and area () are both methods of the same class. Indeed, as there is no hierarchical organization of functions underneath the parent class we have to resort to placing each function in this pseudo-namespace to remind it who it belongs to.

cout << "rect area: " << rect.area() << endl;
cout << "rectb area: " << rectb.area() << endl;

Come on, people – this is an Object Oriented Language, and streams are Objects. Why the extra syntax for writing to or reading from streams?

CVector CVector::operator+ (CVector param) {
CVector temp;
temp.x = x + param.x;
temp.y = y + param.y;
return (temp);
}

Okay, this is actually pretty cool.

CRectangle a, *b, *c;
CRectangle * d = new CRectangle[2];
b= new CRectangle;
c= &a;
a.set_values (1,2);
b->set_values (3,4);
d->set_values (5,6);

Any language that considers -> to be a legitimate operator needs to be taken out in back and shot. Aside from giving no indication of what it actually does (the inner Scheme programmer screams “conversion!”). It’s like COBOL, but with pictures rather than words.

**Edit** Oh yeah, that’s also in C. It’s still ugly.

Again, I’ve no problem with C++ as a language. But the fact that Mr. Stroustrup bent over backwards to make it look C-like rather than making modifications where appropriate has given it a syntax capable of singing the eyeballs of the inexperienced.

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On Losing

March 2, 2007

It’s now been three days since that slutbitchhobagscum nice lady that gave up three hours on a Tuesday night to hideously and unfairly rob us of our God-given victory decide we weren’t quite good enough. We’ve spent the last three days planning how to get the county to declare a mistrial and imagining hideous tortures for the slutbitchhobagscum nice lady (my personal favorite being David’s suggestion that we use the score sheets to give her papercuts on her eyeballs).

But I think that’s enough.

Realistically, even if we did win in county it would just buy us a couple of rounds at state, where we would proceed to get demolished by a pack of well-dressed robots from Santa Barbara. And if we could pull it off, we would earn the undying hatred of every other team in the county (wait, we already have that) and make us look like a bunch of sore losers, or, worse yet, like Bishop O’Dowd.

CGTC (who now deserves the full honorific after all we’ve been through) will draft a letter to the county, we’ll all sign it, and the slutbitchhobagscum will never again show her face in an Alameda County courtroom after 6:00.

It’s been wonderful, really, but it’s like Leah said after I suggested that the whole team stone me to death after the match – it’s only mock trial.

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